Dave (the channel, that is) has had a rather long and proliferate campaign to promote its 'Characters on Dave'. For seemingly arbitrary reasons, I have seen or heard the word 'character' used adjectively so much this month that I began to ponder on the matter; what the hell does character mean?
The earliest I can actively remember 'character' being used this month was when I skulked the corridors of a faith school in Cardiff (see my last post for some sort of... summary (?) on the matter). In one of the frequent times I was lost, I turned to a slim, bespectacled teacher for help in locating an errand class, with whom I was to help a girl. He turned to me, eyes wide and replied in his well-rounded yet perfectly enunciated Welsh accent, 'She's a real character, that one'. I imagine that I am not the only one in having a person described to me as 'a real character'. Initially, thoughts of 'Oh shitting hell,' came to mind. Usually, and of course, broadly speaking, it is a friend of friend being referred to as a 'character'. What I have perceived them to be saying is 'They're a twat, but due to reasons that I cannot fathom, we are deemed friends'. Alternatively, for the more distant or newly acquired friend who is introducing their 'character' of a friend, what they are denoting is 'You have nothing in common, yet I am about to introduce you to someone and for the rest of the evening you must pretend to enjoy each other's company, despite his poor attempt at humanity'.
As it turns out, the girl who I was sent to sit with was not academically gifted. However, she stretched out her little arm to shake my hand. 'Different', I thought. 'Formal'. She then proceeded to tell me about why she wears her watch on her right hand instead of her left, and then explained which colour she liked best in her pencil case. As pleasant as she was, Religious Studies was not her forte. That said, neither was it mine. It was also possible to come to the conclusion that this lovely little girl was not particularly intelligent, as was confirmed by my colleagues at lunch. But there was something very likeable about her, despite her mixing up of contraception and circumcision (easily done, Doctor), and I can only agree with what the slightly-too-happy teacher had mentioned to me previously; she was a real character.
Another example, a more formally drawn instance, is the inclusion of the word 'character' in estate agent rhetoric. Again, for reasons unbeknownst to both myself and humanity, I am an avid and devoted user of the RightMove app. An inherited thing, so I hope, I hold a fascination with houses. Very often and particularly in older or prettier parts of the world, the word 'character' is used to describe anything remotely old or off-piste. I generally like these 'character' properties, but what I have come to understand is that the term, much like when applied to people, is broad and ever-changing. You hope the term is used to signify a certain 'je ne sais quoi'; an essence that gives something a personality and draws you in. However, much like when referring to people, the term generally applies to the stupid and/or dangerous. When I see the words 'Character Property' in the listing, I no longer think 'Yes, something different to the humdrum boxes of Modernia. Give me something abstract, an air-raid shelter, perhaps. Or a moat'. Instead, I have come to expect an oven in the bathroom, or perhaps a roof made out of Papier-mâché and custard. It's become a by-word for a hindrance: something to make your life that little bit more unpleasant.
As Brits, we bloody love that sort of thing. We love a good hindrance, a moaning point. For example, as a nation of hypochondriacs, we enjoy complaining about our ailments. You see games of 'Infirmity Top Trumps' on buses, with people displaying infections and gangrenous limbs in order to one-up the chump on the bus who thinks his insect bite is the onset of diphtheria.
We dislike perfection, or even things working properly. If an individual has worked hard all their life and for instance shows up in a nice car, it would not be unexpected to hear calls of 'I bet that goes through petrol!' and 'Why do you need a car like that? Speed limit's 70, you WANK-AAHHHH'. I, too, am guilty of disliking things going well for others. A few evenings ago, I stumbled upon a Facebook post of friend (well, a friend of a friend, bit of a character) who recently had a new car. It was brand-spanking new, as fresh as the air in its tires. The boy himself studies an extremely exclusive degree at a fantastic university and comes from a supportive and proud family. He has a girlfriend, who is doing very well for herself in her field and there are lots of lovely pictures of them both at events that require formal and/or beachwear. As I wander through these lovely images, I can't help feel that not enough has gone wrong in his life for me to be content. Everything seems like it's going swimmingly for him and how dare it. I realise I am not one to talk, with my fantastic upbringing, but still. I want to see failure. I'm putting it down to being British, where we like a bit rough to go with the un-smooth.
So, to conclude, I have determined that character means that something is crap, but you like it that way. The hole in the wall, the gap in the teeth, it means you've got something different from the terrible, smooth-running and untrustworthy norm. We enjoy disliking people for being characters, we enjoy liking people for being characters, and that in itself is characteristic of the British Public. Rule Britannia.
I understand that this entry has become a tad anti-British, but please, don't take offence. It's character building, and we like that sort of thing. Don't we?
